Our classes continue to engage with the URSTRONG Friendology curriculum, and I've had some interesting discussions with teachers about the progress of the lessons. Each year level has lessons designed for them, and by now they will have talked about the Friend-O-Meter. I've included a Parent Resource in my article this week that you may want to try. I'd love to hear your thoughts if you and your child do the activity together.

The Friend-o-Meter: Time to Chat!

How is your child feeling in their friendships? Get them talking & opening up with this activity!

Some friendships bring out the best in us while, unfortunately, some bring out the worst. It’s so important to teach children that friendships are a choice and help them learn the difference between healthy & unhealthy friendships.

We developed a visual tool, The Friend-o-Meter, to help children easily reflect on and communicate how they’re feeling in their friendships. In our research, we have found that children do not always assess or evaluate the health of their friendships – meaning, they do not have boundaries when it comes to friendship. We want children to think about whether or not friendships are healthy for them and what qualities are essential in healthy relationships.

Friendship skills are relationship skills and we do not want children first learning about healthy relationships when they’re teenagers in romantic relationships. We want kids asking themselves now, “Is this friendship (relationship) good for me? Does this person treat me with the respect I deserve?” so that this self-compassion will be an instinct when considering future relationships.

Whether your child has come home from a bad day at school or you’re concerned they’re not surrounding themselves with the right friends, give this little activity a try! It will help open up the lines of communication and get them sharing how they are feeling in their friendships.

Instructions

1. Say to your child, “Hey! I have a fun idea… Let’s draw together!” Find a quiet place to colour together where they will feel comfortable chatting.

• NOTE: Keep in mind that some children won’t open up if a sibling is around, as friendship issues feel very private and sometimes embarrassing. They also might not trust their sibling to be supportive or respond in a helpful way. Create some one-on-one time so that your child will feel safe sharing their stories with you!

1. Say, “I want to draw a picture of the Friend-o-Meter! Have you heard of it? It helps us think about how we’re feeling in our friendships.” Show them an image of the Friend-o-Meter (above) and start drawing.
2. As you go through each colour, ask them for examples in their friendship. Start with your own personal examples first to lead the way. You might say, “In a Green-Zone Friendship, I feel like I can be myself and feel really comfortable – like with my friend, Shari. It feels really easy with her! Can you think of a Green-Zone Friendship in your life?”
3. Explain to your child that it’s normal for friendships to sometimes dip into the Red Zone because Friendship Fact #1: No friendship (or relationship) is perfect. Say, “Sometimes our friendship ends up in the Red Zone because of a conflict—a Friendship Fire. But, sometimes it just slowly ends up in the Red Zone over time, and we don’t know precisely why—we just know that it doesn’t feel good anymore.” Share an example in your life.
4. Say, “If your friendship is in the Red Zone because of a Friendship Fire, the key is that you put it out and get the friendship back into the Green Zone again!” If your child identifies a Red Zone Friendship in their life, ask them, “What’s ONE THING you can do that might help get it back to the Green Zone?”

• NOTE: To put out Friendship Fires, we teach children to work their way around the Friend-o-Cycle. There are great videos (found on their website) they can watch to teach them how to Talk-it-Out with a friend.

Remind them, “There’s only one person you can control – that’s YOU! And, always remember, you deserve Green-Zone Friendships!!”

Hang your child’s Friend-o-Meter on the fridge and use it as a talking point! Keep checking in with them on how they’re feeling in their friendships!

Kind regards

Nicole Lennox